I just want to share with my church family and friends how I’ve been coping since Mum passed in March.
I originally thought at some point that the front door will open and she will be there as usual with her smile and say ‘I’m home Jo’, but no that won’t happen again – never. The weekends, especially Saturdays are hard for me, because that’s the time we would spend together, either in the house or as I call it having a ‘Mother and Daughter day out’. So sometimes I drift at the weekends between thinking about her and how things used to be – and how things are now.
During the week I’m busy working from home. The past is precious – because we can’t go back but we can hold onto those times we spent together. We used to have some good times together. Funny times and some sad times. I found some pictures on Mum’s laptop from one of our many Make over Sessions. She was a ‘real’ person and she shared so much with me.
The Display Cabinet – like the Front Room, Mum has a display cabinet with her relics in – I mean her ‘ornaments’ and this was always a bone of contention. However, they will remain where they are – for now. What I found out is that over the years when we would go away she would buy something with the name of the place she had visited. So the cabinet was the place where she would keep these items to display.
Mother’s Day will never be the same for me again – Mum was admitted to hospital the day after and we never got to say ‘Good bye’. I know I’m not alone and others are grieving too, so for that reason I’m hoping that what I’ve written will help others too. I know this is a new chapter in my life, this time I’m on my own – no Mother and no Father. Dad passed away in 2016.
They say life begins at forty – well for me life hit me in my fifties. Sickness, death and a new chapter all in five years.
Sometimes I think if I didn’t have this thing called ‘faith’ where would I be. My strength must come from the Lord because at times the way I could feel – is not how I feel.
The last time anyone else was physically in my house was 23rd March. Mum was admitted to hospital on 23rd March. I’ve been on my own in the house since then. I suppose I could have allowed myself to become low in spirit and depressed. At times I’ve felt that way, but having a Mother like mine just gave me the motivation to keep going.
At times I thought – ‘so how am I supposed to act being bereaved?’, but as I’ve found out from talking to others – there’s no right or wrong way. The Bible says ‘Jesus wept – John 11 verse 35.
So when we cry it’s alright because Jesus cried too. Tweet
Mum would say to me when I got upset about anything ‘cry but don’t distress yourself’. Crying helps to relieve pent up emotions and frustrations as well. It’s normal and should not be repressed.
So three months on I’m comforted by her words and also to know the Lord has every situation in the palm of his hand. At times it feels like I’m on the road again – as I’ve been an IT Trainer now for 15 years, and I would spend most weeks in hotels. However, I would come home at the weekends, but now I’m home and she’s not here.
Just pray for me and my family and the extended family.
Remember one thing – we are never alone – the Lord is always with us.
Sister Jo Best (Worcester, UK)